Blending tradition and technology: Gen Z’s new approach to old-fashioned dating

As dating apps such as Hinge, Tinder, and Bumble fail to meet younger generations’ needs, new dating events mix tradition and technology to help singles meet IRL.

I’m impatiently waiting at a bar in London, scanning the menu, tracing over the added “u’s” I’m not used to seeing in American English back home in New York, as I run my usual first date lines over in my head.

“I’m here for grad school…I wanted to dive deeper into lifestyle journalism,” I’ll say, accompanied by a cute but not too overzealous giggle to remind him I’m not super serious.

“Oh, you don’t think I have a Long Island accent?”

“Yes, I’ve been to Spoons before…No way is the UK Office better than the US version.”

“Well, did you know it was actually the English who dubbed the term soccer?”

As I rehearse what — over one dozen first Hinge dates later– feels like a job interview, I scan back to the app to remind myself which of my matches I’m actually meeting and go through our conversation. It’s usual banter. Nothing too exciting, but he seems nice. He’s likely not the love of my life, and if he is, I’ll be shocked.

Spoiler alert: he wasn’t. Nor were the other dozens of first Hinge dates before or after. I was tired, annoyed, and ready to give up on not only apps but dating as a whole.

Of course, some people meet the loves of their lives on dating apps, but all I’ve gotten so far has been a horrible situationship and several wasted Friday nights (note to self: the saying is true, never waste a Friday night on a first date). I’m not alone in feeling that there’s been a negative return on investment from dating apps. Gen Z, those born from 1998 to 2012, have noticeably ditched dating apps that millennials wholeheartedly embraced. Rather than looking for love online, Gen Zers want to find their person in a way that feels less manipulated.

“Dating apps just feel so fake and artificial,” my 20-year-old sister Hannah tells me as we talk about my most recent Hinge endeavors. “What you really need to do is go out to bars to meet people. Using a dating app is so millennial, so cheugy.” Cheugy, meaning someone who is out of touch with the current trends, is the word that usually comes up when my sister and her friends talk about dating apps. “I would never use one. But you do what’s best for you,” she condescendingly ends our conversation.

Hannah’s take on dating apps isn’t original. A 2023 Statista survey cited that daters in the U.S., mostly millennials between the ages of 30 and 49, make up 61% of dating app users, whereas Gen-Z comes in at only 26%. After living their whole lives online, there’s one thing they don’t want to find there: love.

The data for Gen-Z daters in the United States and the United Kingdom shows a global disinterest in meeting a partner virtually. A survey done of college students in the U.S. reveals 79% of respondents do not use dating apps regularly. Across the pond, a study of 2,000 Gen-Z singles living in the U.K., concluded that 57% of respondents would rather ditch dating apps to meet their partner in person. 63% of Gen-Z respondents said they use dating apps now as a way to relieve boredom rather than finding a true relationship.

While Gen-Z may be the digital natives, most of the newest dating generation has voiced their desire to bring back old-fashioned dating. “My Gen Z clients say they come to me because dating apps are dead, that the waters are polluted, and they’re getting ghosted or catfished,” matchmaker Germany Fox told PopSugar in 2024. “Everybody wants to write off Gen Z as being so unserious about everything, but there are a lot of them who are seeking these real, more old-fashioned types of relationships.”

Old-fashioned dating — dating in a pre-social media and pre-dating apps world — is a term nearly every person in the online dating world has heard before. Whether it’s from friends who have been happily coupled up since high school or parents who never had to deal with online dating, at one point in time, someone has said to a single person: “Why don’t you try finding someone the old-fashioned way?”

One week after Hinge date number 17, I sat in a pub with my friend Tui as we commiserated about dating apps and the tragic London dating world. “[Dating is hard], especially in London, because there’s so many people, so you already feel like a nobody. Then, because there are so many options, a lot of people don’t want to settle,” he ranted.

“[You know] how some people see multiple partners, not even partners, just people, and then keep them going on a roster. All that stuff is not for me. Dating apps very much cater to rosters; I’m not about that life.”

A couple of pints later, I reiterated all the words my coupled-up friends had said: “We just need to meet people the old-fashioned way!” However, this time, I actually meant it. I’m done with dating apps.

In an effort to meet someone the old-fashioned way, I spent the next few weeks venturing to new areas of the city, joining new gym classes, and trying new coffee shops. After a few weeks of trying, I realized traditional dating is much harder than I thought. No one approached me in a cinematic meet-cute way, and I couldn’t gather the courage to go up to someone, so I just spent days awkwardly scrolling on my phone or laptop in coffee shops.

When trying to meet others at a new gym class, I was reminded of a shocking statement my uncle told my 25-year-old cousin and me: “The best place to ask a girl out is at the gym.”

Both my cousin and I gasped. “Dad, that’s awful. You can’t ask someone out at a gym; that’s actually the worst idea. Did you really do that back in the day?!” my cousin replied.

“I don’t get what’s so wrong about it,” he said, taken aback.

How did the tables turn so much that 30 years ago, approaching someone at a gym or a public place was more than acceptable, but now you’d be crucified for doing such a thing?

It may have something to do with Gen-Z’s fear of being cringe, and overall fear of rejection. Earlier this year, Hinge released its D.A.T.E. (Data, Advice, Trends and Expertise) report, which found that over half of Gen Z daters claimed that rejection and the fear of being cringe stopped them from pursuing a potential relationship. The Internet phenomenon of being cringe, which social media has perpetrated, labels those doing something embarrassing, such as asking someone out and being rejected, as cringe.

​​“Sometimes it can feel difficult and intimidating to date, especially for daters with little to no experience,” Moe Ari Brown, LMFT, Hinge’s Love and Connection Expert, said in the report. “In today’s dating world, people often don’t realize how normal rejection is, so it’s crucial you don’t let it prevent you from making a powerful connection.”

As a single 22-year-old trying to break away from meeting others online, it quickly became apparent that this fear of rejection has stunted younger daters, including myself, from taking more in-person risks. Rather than going up to someone in a class or a coffee shop, I succumbed to the overwhelming fear of embarrassment and opted to scroll on my phone instead of approaching someone I didn’t know. What if they’re in a relationship? What if they’re not into me?

After some time trying to meet someone more casually, I decided I needed a more modern and structured approach to traditional dating.

Six weeks later, I found myself standing in a sweaty half-full bar in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, at 8 pm — an hour and a half away from my Long Island home. To my right, a guy and a girl compare hand sizes and tease each other about who would win in an arm wrestle. I leave the area before I can find out who wins. Walking across the dimly lit Cafe Baleaceria, I notice three girls crowding one guy, each vying for his attention.

In the corner of the room, my friend Caitlin carelessly flirts with a Manhattan lawyer while my other friend Meyca chats with another attendee. I roped both Caitlin and Meyca into the Bored of Dating Apps event, hoping to meet a man the “old-fashioned way” after seeing the ad on Instagram.

The dating event was meant to solve all the problems I experienced in my few weeks of ditching dating apps. Everyone in the room is single, so there is no need to worry about going up to someone and them saying they’re in a relationship, leaving you wondering if they’re actually dating someone or politely rejecting you. Plus, since the event is in-person, every attendee is bound to live nearby, eliminating the stress of a one-night fling before they leave the country.

I stood and looked around as I fumbled with the two cards given to every attendee upon walking into the event — one to redeem a free shot with a stranger and another that said “You’re Cute” with empty lines to fill in your number and write a message.

“You can use the ‘you’re cute’ card anywhere you want, not just at this event,” the coordinator, Jasmine, said with a cheeky smile.

As I began searching for a possible recipient, I struck up conversations with other hopeful singles.

What was most surprising about the event was that most of the 75 other people had nonchalant attitudes about attending but were done with dating apps and wanted to connect more casually. “My roommate invited me, and I figured why not,” Ryan, 26, told me. “What’s better than being in a room where you know everyone is single and eager to meet others?”

“I’m so over dating apps. What I like about the event is that it feels very intentional,” Ally, 27, said as she ordered her second love-themed cocktail. “Everyone here seems like they want to meet others.”

As we prepared to leave the event, I went over to get my friend Caitlin, who was still talking to the lawyer. “He gave me his number,” she excitedly said to me as we left the event. “Normally I would never go for him, but our conversation was so good. I think we’re going on a date next week.”

Although I didn’t walk away with a new prospect like Caitlin did, I left feeling more encouraged to put myself out there in the dating world in ways I haven’t done before.

Attendance at dating and singles events targeted at millennials and Gen Z has increased by 49% this year compared to last year, an Eventbrite study found. Gen-Z wants to meet others in person, a way many younger daters consider “traditional,” but doesn’t want to have to face flat-out rejection. Dating events that combine techniques used by dating apps — -segregating groups by interest and age — and traditional in-person events give Gen-Z just what they’re looking for.

The demand for more in-person connections was palpable following the social isolation of the pandemic, especially for Thursday co-founder George Rawlings. In 2021, Rawlings started Thursday, a dating app and in-person dating event company aimed at helping singles spend less time online and more time meeting others in real life. “Thursday was born out of frustration around dating apps and dating app fatigue,” Rawlings explained to me.

“I was single myself at the time, and I struggled to get them to keep my attention, really, where going from the match to the date was a long-winded process and wasn’t very exciting. So the idea was we’d create a dating app that was time-boxed into one day.”

Rawlings’ original plan for Thursday was to market it as an “on-demand service,” where you match with someone on Thursday and go out for drinks that night. The app was only available on Thursdays, and users could only message their matches that day. However, six months after launching the app, Rawlings made a change that revolutionized his company.

“We tested a concept on the app called After Party, where our app operated in a map view, and we put a marker on the map to show our meet-up location,” he said. Rawlings’ experiment took place in Shoreditch, London, early in 2022. The Thursday team picked a bar and hoped people would attend. To their surprise, a line spanning one block long full of singles quickly formed.

By November 2022, Thursday’s “After Party” transformed into “Thursday Events” and had become a staple. The events take a modern approach to traditional dating. Participants can be in a casual yet structured environment, which feels less risky than going up to a stranger at a coffee shop and more natural than dating apps. Thursday events allow singles to chat with others in a relaxed environment, helping young daters build up the confidence to flirt with strangers in person rather than hiding behind screens.

When attending a Thursday event this October at the Looking Glass Cocktail Club in Shoreditch, London, I was shocked by the packed crowd. The Bored of Dating Apps singles event in Brooklyn had a moderately sized showing, but the more well-established Thursday bar nights seemed to have almost a cult-like following.

“I probably attend one Thursday event per month,” a 26-year-old filmmaker named Matt tells me as we sit on the red velvet couch in the corner of the bar. “Dating apps intimidate me, and I don’t think I’m very good at small talk online. Apps are too restrictive: you get a couple of photos, stupid prompts, and casual chat that usually goes nowhere. Thursday events are so much more fun, and at the very least, it’s a good night out.”

Matt, a Thursday enthusiast, said he’s met partners and good friends from Thursday events. “I’ve made a couple of good connections through these events, but above all, I made a solid group of friends. Not only do I feel more connected with different women I meet, but some guys I’ve met have become good mates of mine.”

Since the launch of Thursday, the in-person events have expanded to 32 cities on 4 continents. By the end of 2024, the Thursday app is expected to expand to 100 cities and already has over 900,000 downloads worldwide, according to TechCrunch. New York and London were the original hotspots, but newer cities include Brisbane, Sydney, and Melbourne. The events are open to everyone, and Rawlings said they aim to have an even split of men and women, with an option for nonbinary people, too.

Thursday’s dating events have far surpassed just meeting up with other singles in a bar every week. Some events include workout classes, pizza-making classes, singles volleyball tournaments, and dance tutorials. However, the ultimate singles event takes place in the wintertime. For the past two years, the company began hosting “Thursday Trips,” a ski trip marketed as the “largest singles trip in the world.”

“The idea was what would happen if we just try to take a thousand people skiing and put it on our social media, and there’s a big demand for it,” Rawlings said.

After receiving overwhelming support for the massive ski holiday, Thursday partnered with a travel company called Nuco to help bring the weeklong trip to life, which led to about 800 guests showing up at a ski lodge in Val Thorens, France.

“You’ve got to put yourself out there and be empowered to be single to meet people in the wild…Don’t get me wrong, it is, at first, a daunting experience for people,” Rawlings said.

Throughout the trip, guests could attend certain socials and activities meant to stir conversation, but no one was held to a strict schedule. “Our big goal is to really bring it back to how it used to be and make people better at being in person. If we can get that and change the culture of how people behave and interact with others in real life, we’ll be very happy,” Rawlings said.

New-age dating events aren’t just limited to meeting in bars, ski trips, or pizza-making classes. Some will even have attendees chasing chickens around the streets of London.

In 2022, Fred Parry accidentally created one of the quirkiest dating events in London: Chicken Rush. Originally, Chicken Rush was meant to be a fun game to play with friends, stir up some competition, and have some drinks. Inspired by the university drinking game Où Est le Poulet, the event challenges participants to find a person dressed up as a chicken at a nearby bar.

Throughout the night, attendees had to complete different challenges until the “chicken” was found. Parry tested Chicken Rush with some friends until one person went around spreading the word that the next game would be for all single people. The faux pas turned into one of the biggest turning points for Chicken Rush.

“As soon as that happened, I was like, this must be really wanted because I’ve never seen something like that travel by word of mouth. And then, as soon as we did our first one, I started to realize how bad dating in London was at the time.”

Since that first accidental dating event, Parry developed a more thorough means of matching participants and helping them form connections. The new process for attending events includes a survey that asks questions ranging from what your superpower would be to what your perfect date would be.

“There are two ways we match people: one is their interests, preferences, and the way they answer the questions. You can kind of start to see if they have something in common or if their hobbies match up or stuff like that. But then the other way is just based on age.”

After a TikTok of the event went viral, over 600 people now sit on a waiting list for the blind dates events. Parry said all of the prospective attendees have raged to him about how excited they were to try something different, a way to meet others while evading the stress of meeting others in person.

Events like Chicken Rush, Thursday, and the Bored of Dating Apps event I attended in Brooklyn use technology and tradition to help alleviate the pressure of meeting others and the facade people typically put on while using dating apps. “Almost the worst bit about a date is arriving and traveling to the date where you’re just really nervous,” Parry said. “It takes a while before you finally meet them a couple of times, and you’re out of the woods.”

Most singles know the feeling of going on an awful first date, which makes you wish you had simply met the love of your life in college. I remember being 17 and laughing at my 27-year-old cousin who told me, “If you don’t meet your husband in college, good luck.” Six years later, I wish I had taken her words a little more seriously.

After graduating, you will no longer be surrounded by thousands of people relatively the same age as you, nor will you have the chance to have a meet-cute at a college party or participate in well-organized clubs meant to introduce strangers. Now, you must seek out those clubs for yourself and just hope it won’t be a disaster.

Perhaps the most successful club meant to help connect singles with shared interests is achieved by the Lunge Run Club. The Lunge Run Club, a club for singles based in the West Village of New York City, has amassed over 1,200 members since its founding in May 2024. The club first began after founder Steve Cole launched his app, Lunge. The new dating app is meant to help connect people who work out at the same gyms or run in the same neighborhoods.

“The way dating apps work and dating works is you need people who are actually compatible,” Cole said. “And compatibility means you spend your time doing the same things in place. I mean, that’s almost in real-life dating right there.”

“At Lunge, we connect people with overlapping exercise locations. So, if you spend your time walking or running on the West End Highway, you can sign up for that and match with everyone there,” he said.

Connecting like-minded people is one of the biggest issues dating apps face. 45% of Gen Z and 35% of Millennials consider finding someone with similar interests a major challenge with online dating, according to an Eventbrite study. “Young singles are diving into their passions and exploring all sorts of niche activities, hoping to connect with someone who shares their interests, but ultimately, they’re just out there doing things they love, no matter the outcome,” shared Roseli Ilano, Head of Community at Eventbrite. Cole’s focus on community and connecting with those who have similar interests embodies what Gen Z is looking for.

The Lunge run club epitomizes those doing what they love while trying to find a partner. Shortly after launching the app, Cole and co-founder Rachel Lansing began posting on social media about a new run club on Wednesdays at 6:45 p.m. in Washington Square Park, where single people show up wearing black.

Anyone can participate in the 5k (3.1 mile) run or a 1.5 mile “hot walk.” At the end of the walk/run, all participants meet at a bar to socialize and drink. The first meet-up in May had around 30 members; in July, almost 2,000 members showed up.

Sean McGill, 27, raved about the event after attending a July meet-up.

“I’ve been on dating apps for years, and this was unlike anything I’ve done before. Just going around and meeting new people was cool,” McGill said. “I would definitely go again.”

And he did go again. The second time McGill went to the Lunge Run Club, he talked to a girl the whole night, ending with them exchanging numbers and planning their first date together. “Being able to meet her at the club, get a sense of what she was like and what she wanted helped me plan a more thoughtful date than I would have compared to meeting someone on a dating app,” he told me after his fourth date with her.

McGill’s experience was the atmosphere Cole and Lansing hoped to make. “We’ve curated an environment where meeting people is easy. Even before we run, Rachel and I always say [to participants] turn around and say hi to someone you’ve never met before,” Cole said.

“And then they chat for a little bit; then, since they’re right next to each other when they take off on a run, maybe they continue chatting at the bar. So everyone there wants to meet people. And it’s created this awesome community.”

All of the budding dating events spurred on by dating app fatigue center around fostering connections within the communities you belong to, whether that be your gym, hobbies, or physical location. Dating experts agree that dating the “old-fashioned way” involves centering community over paywalls or quantity. “Joining local groups is also a good way [to meet people],” Lalala Letmeexplain, dating educator and author of Block, Delete, Move On: It’s not you, it’s them, told British GQ in 2023. “Join them because you enjoy the hobby and see meeting someone as a bonus — don’t join to pull. Things like group fitness boot camps… Somewhere, you might find someone who shares your interests.”

A few months after my friend Tui and I discussed the sad state of dating, he spent the night gushing about a new girl he just started seeing. “The girl that I’m currently seeing, it was flirty both ways, but I was definitely terrified to make a move. She stepped up to the plate.” When I asked how they met, he told me all about a climbing trip he went on, which she happened to be on, too. “Screw run clubs; join a climbing gym,” he emphatically said.

Although meeting people the “old-fashioned” way still somewhat eludes me, it no longer feels out of reach. While I didn’t leave an event with any new prospects, I walked away with a desire to be more thoughtful about who I choose to go on dates with. I also left with a new perspective on dating and how my generation can use the technology at our disposal to create dating events, which I once scoffed at, that are fun and engaging, leading to positive changes in the modern dating landscape.

Gen Z insists they’re looking for more old-fashioned ways to meet others, but that’s not entirely true. They want a way to meet others which doesn’t feel as gamified as dating apps but is not as socially risky as going up to strangers in public. Dating events provide that perfect in between, offering daters a place to practice flirting with others without socially risking too much. Gathering singles in a place for a night out or club based on similar hobbies and niches feels less transactional and overwhelming than swiping for hours just to result in a Groundhog’s Day failed Friday night first date. While it may not be a rom-com meet-cute or the mutual friend invisible strings we hear about, it feels more intentional — and, therefore, even more serendipitous.