Searching for a Reason…
It’s funny how people unexpectedly come into our lives. I’m not sure why I’m contemplating this at midnight on a Tuesday, but I am. Perhaps it’s because I heard the song I would sing with him while driving together or that I saw an old photo full of smiling faces I no longer keep in contact with. How does it end up that faces I once knew so well now simply blend into a crowd? Why is it that someone who I could’ve met by chance hundreds of times before just now made an appearance in my life?
For as long as I can remember I’ve spent nights wondering whether things happened for a reason. Whether people or moments in our lives are simply coincidences or miracles. In so many ways I’ve allowed the illusion of this unknowable, undefinable ‘reason’ to impair me; especially when it came to my relationships.
I would spend hours researching zodiac charts and compatibility. I would blame things not working out on the stars. I would brush off the bad moments and relish in the good. I would religiously watch TikToks that served as an echo chamber for my already deluded beliefs. I would do all of this in hopes that something or someone will give me an answer as to why things weren’t working out… there must’ve been a reason.
While I still am not sure for certain whether or not there are reasons beyond my knowledge for things, I’m now beginning to believe things happen and it is by our own will that we make something from it. Tragic moments lead into unexpectedly joyful occasions. A relationship you once thought would last now turns into a story you will one day tell your next partner. Then eventually that partner will simply become another fable until you find the one who won’t just turn into another person from your past.
It’s so much easier to think there’s a reason or meaning behind things. Believing that there’s a divine meaning behind it all brings us something we long for: peace of mind. At the end of the day, there is no logical explanation for most things.
However, although I still ponder a higher power purposely sending people in your life, I do know people may or may not enter your life for a specific reason but once they’re there, it’s by free will that they stay. There’s a reason that two of my best friends entered my life in middle school and never left, and it has nothing to do with the unknown. They don’t stay a part of my life because of divine intervention, they stay by choice.
Everyday we choose who we want to be and who we want to spend our time with. As I grow I’m learning that you may not always be chosen but you always have the power to choose. You may not be able to make the person you want want you, and you may never know the deeper reason they didn’t choose you, but by accepting that you can’t change that you learn to appreciate those who do choose you.
Entering 2023, I hope to be more cautious of who I choose to embrace and appreciative of all those who have chosen to embrace me. I hope to be able to learn from those I let slip through the cracks while also learning from those who are here to stay. Above all, I hope to accept the fact that while I may not always be chosen in return, it’s always better to live life with an open heart, even if that means that some people will go just as fast as they came, for absolutely no reason at all.
